


The Kylo Ren Collection

by chaostheoryy



Series: Reader Inserts [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, Requests, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 08:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13314759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaostheoryy/pseuds/chaostheoryy
Summary: A collection of Kylo Ren X Reader fics written in response to prompts sent in by my followers on Tumblr.





	1. You're a Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two stubborn forces of nature meet when Kylo Ren decides to intervene on one of your training exercises. You, of course, are not pleased.

You had a tendency to take things too far thanks in part to a piss-poor sense of self-care and an alarmingly quick temper. It was no surprise then that training exercises turned a little, should I say, violent.

What was supposed to be a simple round of sparring with one of the troopers took a very sharp turn on the serious side. You had struck the trooper hard on the shoulder, rousing his own temper. From there it escalated to a level no one expected. The exercise turned into a full on scuffle, both of you determined to prove your strength and strike the other down.

The two of you moved with grace and fury, striking at each other with the force of beasts. You managed to land several hits on the trooper’s back and abdomen before he retaliated and drove his the head of his spear straight into your shoulder. 

You cried out in pain and collapsed to your knees, clutching at the wound with your gloved hand. Blood seeped out of your uniform, staining the tips of your fingers. Most people would have given up, would have realized things had been taken too far. But not you. The injury fueled a raging fire inside that only the satisfaction of spilling blood could tame.

You growled and leapt to your feet, ignoring the burning pain in your shoulder. Before you could lunge for your opponent, however, a booming voice echoed through the room.

“Enough!”

You froze and looked over in the doorway to find the looming, masked figure of Kylo Ren staring down you and your opponent. Ren stalked forward and pointed at the trooper across from you. “You. Get out.”

The trooper neither hesitated nor asked a single question but rather chose the wisest course of action and bolted from the room, leaving you and the Commander alone. You narrowed your eyes at him. It was unlike the great saber-wielding Kylo Ren to take any sort of interest in the goings-on of First Order troopers, let alone a measly training session.

“What are you doing here?”

Unsurprisingly, Ren ignored the question. “You’re injured,” he noted, voice as monotone and muffled behind the mask as usual.

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, and I would have gotten redemption for it too if you had minded your own business,” you quipped.

“You should see a medic.”

A huff of laughter escaped your throat at that. The mighty Kylo Ren was telling you to see a medic? It was too entertaining to believe. “I’m not weak, Ren,” you replied, “Besides, this is nothing.”

You made a move to pass him by, only to have him grab you by the forearm and yank you backward, eliciting a moan of discomfort from you in response to the sharp pain in your shoulder.

“You’re right,” Ren responded in a surprisingly sarcastic tone, “It’s clearly nothing.”

You let out a stubborn sigh and yanked free of his grasp, managing to only grimace at the discomfort brought upon your body by the action. “Fine.”

You made your way toward the exit and down the hall only to soon discover the Commander was tailing you. You stopped. “What are you doing?”

“Ensuring that you do as I’ve requested.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Why do you care?”

There was a long pause following your question, one that was almost uncharacteristic of him. It was almost as if he was…hesitating.

“I don’t,” he said suddenly, grabbing you by your uninjured arm, “Now quit wasting my time.”

He quickly dragged you down to the infirmary where a nurse was ready to greet you as you entered. When she spotted Kylo Ren, however, her eyes went wide and her lax posture was quickly forgotten. “C-Commander! What can I help you wi-”

“Treat her,” he ordered sharply as he pushed you forward.

“Of course, sir!” The nurse nodded and rushed forward to help you to one of the private beds. You were surprised yet again to find that Ren, rather than choosing to go about his business, followed you into the room and stood in the corner to watch over the process.

“The doctor will be in in just a moment,” the nurse said to you before dipping out and leaving you alone with the Commander once again.

“What are you, a puppy or something? Didn’t think you’d find my daily routine interesting enough to investigate let alone follow me around.”

“I have nothing better to do.”

“Right.” You laughed and shook your head in disbelief. “What better way to spend your day than watching someone get stabbed and stitched back up. Y’know what? It does suit you.”

You saw Ren’s gloved hand ball into a fist. Oh good, he was annoyed now.

“If you’re going to strangle me, please do so before the nurse comes back so I can have her tend to my collapsed trachea as well,” you said scathingly.

There was a sudden movement but, unlike you guessed, it wasn’t Kylo Ren rushing forward to obliterate you. Instead, he reached up and pulled his helmet off, revealing a surprisingly gentle and – dare you say it – handsome visage. Your eyes widened. So this was what Kylo Ren really looked like.

“You’re a fool,” Ren murmured as he placed his helmet on the foot of the bed.

You cocked your brow. “For testing your patience?”

“For misjudging my intent.”

You blinked. His intent? Wait… Had he actually ventured down to the training room just to see you? The thought made your heart skip a beat. Was Kylo Ren…into you? A smile tugged at the corner of your mouth.

“With all due respect, Commander Ren, you are absolute shit at flirting,” you teased. His brow raised ever so slightly. “But I’ll let you keep trying.”

Just as you were certain you were witnessing the mighty Kylo Ren blush, one of the doctors dipped into the room. “Let’s get started, shall we?


	2. Two Can Play Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo Ren face of in your weekly training.

With a loud crackle, the two sabers clashed together to create a perfect half-red, half-gold ”X”. It wasn’t the first time the two plasma blades came together and certainly wouldn’t be the last, especially not if the duel turned out as passionate as last week’s session.

Ren pushed forward, forcing you to readjust your step in order to compensate and keep your weapons locked. “What’s the matter, Ren?” You teased when you noticed his brow furrow ever so slightly, “Getting tired already?”

“You wish that were true.”

With the perfect combination of grace and brute strength, Ren broke free and slashed his blade through the air, missing your shoulder by no more than an inch thanks to your quick reflexes. You cocked your brow. That was a close call.

Ren lunged forward to attack but was quickly met with resistance. The two of you sparred for several moments before, yet again, your sabers were locked. You stared Ren down between the sabers, his dark eyes illuminated by the glowing plasma blades. His gaze was as intense as ever and, if it weren’t for the amused smile ghosting at his lips, you would think he had every intent to kill.

“You’ve gotten slower,” Ren said, putting even more weight on his toes and causing you to bare your teeth as you fought to keep from being overpowered, “And weaker.”

You drove forward in response, taking advantage of his off-balance position. He stumbled slightly but managed to keep you at bay. You grinned upon noticing his calm exterior falter for a moment when you pushed forward. “I’d say the same thing about you, _Commander_.”

Ren’s eyes narrowed and his blade dropped to his side, breaking the “X” between you. To your surprise, he didn’t strike with the saber, but rather slid his foot between your wide-spread legs and struck you in the calf, sending you falling to the ground. You landed hard on your back and felt your saber slip from your grasp when your hand smacked against the floor. You immediately reached out to repossess it only to watch as it soared through the air into Ren’s hand.

“Like I said,” Ren mused as he stood over you, “You’ve gotten slower.”

You frowned and watched as he tucked both sabers into his belt before offering you a gloved hand. You reached up and took it, only instead of allowing him to pull you to your feet, you yanked him down. He managed to catch himself, landing with one knee between your thighs. His eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise, his face now merely inches from yours.

“I suggest you be more careful, Ren,” you said playfully, your eyes wandering down to his parted lips, “Two can play dirty.”

You leaned forward and let your mouth teasingly hover over his as you slid your hand down his abdomen. You could hear his breath catch when your fingertips reached his belt. However, rather than granting him what he had quickly come to desire, you grabbed the hilt of your saber and smiled, pulling back before he could steal a kiss.

“Maybe next time,” you teased, pressing a finger to his lips, “If you’re lucky, Commander.”


	3. With Everything I Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren feels that he has no choice but to bring you to Snoke. You know that such a thing isn't true and that this can only end one way.

You felt cold inside, full of fear and doubt and anger. Darkness was practically kissing your skin and the weight of its contact only grew heavier and heavier as you approached the level where Snoke was waiting for you.

“You don’t have to do this,” you said, finally turning to face Ren as the elevator propelled the two of you upward.

He didn’t even bat an eyelash - just kept staring ahead. “You know perfectly well that I have no choice.”

“What a load of shit.” He turned his head, no doubt surprised by your words. “You’re the only one with a choice,” you argued, glaring at him and wishing desperately that you could break from the cuffs around your wrists and give him a good slap, “You’re just too much of a coward to make the right one.”

You saw his lip twitch as his brow furrowed. “Do you really think this is what I want? You think I like being _controlled_ by him?” He pointed upward with his index finger in reference to Snoke. “If I don’t give him what he wants, he will _destroy_ me.”

You shook your head, his defensive statement stabbing you directly in the chest. “That’s what it’s always about, isn’t it? Protecting yourself.” Your jaw clenched. “Guess I should have known it was just a facade when you told me you cared about me.”

He grabbed you firmly by the arms and pulled you closer to him, staring directly into your eyes. “Don’t say that. Don’t you dare-” He swallowed hard. “I would never lie to you.”

“Then say it.”

He gazed at you in confusion.

“If I’m about to come face to face with the darkest force in the galaxy and potentially be slaughtered, I want to hear you say you love me,” you murmured sternly.

Ren’s eyes widened ever so slightly. For a moment you swore that the words were never going to leave his lips but sure enough, he finally whispered,  “I love you. With everything I have left in me.” Then, he closed his eyes and leaned in to capture your lips in a desperate kiss.

* * *

It took every last bit of energy Ren had to keep from roaring with fury as Snoke began to tear his way through your brain. He tossed you carelessly about like a rag doll, laughing all the while. Snoke took pleasure in your pain and, when he finally released you and left your body unconscious on the floor, Ren knew he would find no greater satisfaction than in annihilating the Supreme Leader.

In the blink of an eye, the plasma blade of your saber pierced Snoke’s torso. The Supreme Leader choked on his own breath for a moment before the saber flew through the air and into Ren’s hand.

The guards watched as Snoke’s upper body slid from the chair and landed on the ground with a grotesque thud. Then, upon realizing what Ren had done, set their sight’s upon him. Ren rose to his feet, the rage on his face inhuman. Nothing would stop him from taking his revenge. _Nothing_.

The room practically shook with Ren’s fury, the balance of light and dark wavering with every life he took. He was cruel in his kills, slicing one guard’s leg clean off before driving his saber through the head of another. He moved with immeasurable grace and struck with the strength of a beast until every last guard fell to the floor.

With the deed done, he tucked your saber into his belt beside his own and scooped you into his arms. No matter what happened from there on out, he would never give you up and if someone tried to hurt you, he would fight for you with everything he had.


	4. I Feel It Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo. Kylo Ren. You've been by his side from the beginning. No matter what happens, no matter light or dark, you will always be together.

_“I feel it,” you murmured, body almost trembling as a dark, unseen energy circled around you. It felt like a ghost - present yet intangible. It whispered your name and quietly begged for you to let it in, to allow it to consume you.  
_

_A hand grasped yours in the dimly lit hut. You turned to look at Ben, the light of the candle illuminating his face just enough for you to see those gentle, brown eyes. “It’s alright,” he said softly, “I feel it too.”_

_You clutched at his hand. “I’m afraid.”_

_Ben scooted closer to you. “Don’t be. I’ll be right beside you.” He reached out and placed his other hand on your cheek. “Always.”_

* * *

Your eyes opened just before the darkness overtook you, just before the smell of burning wood and the scent of blood returned to you. 

With a sigh you sat up in your bed and slid the sleeve on your left arm up to gaze at the long scar that ran along your skin. You ran your finger over it, remembering the excruciating pain that scorched through your body as Skywalker’s saber sliced at your arm. The memory filled you with anger and the desire to drive your own saber through another person’s flesh. But, as you remembered the tears in your former master’s eyes, it also filled you with doubt. What if you were wrong? What if the path you’d chosen was only truly lined with destruction?

* * *

Your body began to tremble, the hilt of your saber rattling in your shaking hand as you stood over a pair of helpless children. They clung to each other in with tears in their eyes as they stared up at your crimson blade in terror. It should have been an easy kill. You should have struck them down without any hesitation just as you had done to their father. But, as you gazed down at them, you saw yourself reflected in them – you saw two lonely Jedi sitting in a hut surrounded by darkness.

_I feel it too._

With a hiss, you lowered your weapon and marched off, leaving the children to treasure their next breath.

* * *

“I felt it,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper, “It was warm and welcoming yet unable to wrap itself around me like it used to.” You raised your head and looked at Ren, whose dark eyes stared straight back. “Even now, it keeps calling to me, begging for me to return.”

Ren looked away. You saw his jaw clench and watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. Your brow raised. “You felt it too.”

His eyes flicked back to you. For the first time in years, he was vulnerable and afraid. “I can’t let it in,” he whispered, his voice strained as if he were being hurt by the words themselves, “Not again.”

You reached out and took his hand in yours. “I know you’re afraid,” you said softly, “I know you are afraid of what will happen to you, of what will happen if we return to the light but don’t be.” You moved closer to him and placed your other hand on his cheek. “No matter what happens, I will be by your side. Always.”


	5. Truly Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been said that there is no bond stronger than that of a master and his apprentice. But, when Master Ren connects with a mysterious Jedi, you begin to question whether that saying is actually true.

You had believed you were special. You were an expert with a saber and exceptionally adept at using the Force. Hand selected by Kylo Ren himself, you believed that it was your destiny to be together – an unrelenting master and his eternally faithful apprentice.

Over the span of a year, your bond grew stronger. Even lightyears apart you could _feel_ each other. You knew each other’s pain, sensed each other’s struggle just as you could feel each other’s contentment and power. He often called to you in your separation, speaking gentle words of encouragement and urging you to trust in yourself and your power. You, in turn, would constantly remind him that he wasn’t alone in this galaxy, that you would do anything for him. It was a bond you swore could never be felt by anyone else.

That is, until _her_.

At first you could sense her energy ghosting through the air whenever Master Ren was alone. You had initially dismissed it, thinking it were the aura of one of his ancestors reaching out to him through the Force. But then you heard him speaking to her, talking to her about Skywalker and the reasons he had chosen a path away from the light. You, of course, could not hear her replies and, if it weren’t for the powerful energy radiating around your master, you would have thought him mad.

You soon began to question your bond. No longer did you feel special. There was another person in Master Ren’s life, someone strong with the Force and able to speak to him in the privacy of his quarters. Were you not the one destined to be his comfort? Was it not you he was destined to share an unbreakable bond with? Were you not special?

The answer to those questions seemed to unravel in a single instant when you saw him walking through the halls of the _Supremacy_  with her. You knew from first glance that she was the one. Her confidence, her resolve, her strength – it all radiated off of her with the same unshakable feeling as you sensed through the Force when Master Ren reached out to her. 

You watched as he led her to the elevator and disappeared inside with her. That’s when you knew, when you realized it all to be true: she was the one. _She_ was special.

* * *

Later that day, after spending hours in the study with your fists clenched and your heart pounding against ribcage in a fury, you marched into hangar bay nine and climbed into your tie fighter. Several officers tried to stop you, warning you that General Hux had not given you authorization to leave the ship. You ignored every word.

Tearing through space without any hesitation, you set course for one of the habitable planets in the Voss system. It was there that you landed and stepped out onto the rocky cliff on the edge of one of the planet’s vast oceans. Aside from a few insects crawling along the stones and the bird-like creatures soaring over the water, there wasn’t a soul in sight. Here, on this uncolonized planet, you were truly alone.

You sat down on the edge of the cliff, allowing your legs to dangle over it as you gazed out at the ocean with the sun slowly beginning to set off in the distant horizon. Normally, such a sight would have brought you peace and fill you with appreciation for the Force and everything around you. Now, however, you felt cold. You felt as though your entire existence and all your beliefs – in yourself, in your power, in your bond with Master Ren – were a sham. You were nothing now. Perhaps it was time to venture from the First Order. Perhaps it was time you truly embraced your destiny to be alone in this galaxy.

_“(Y/N)_.”

Your brow furrowed as a voice whispered your name, distant yet so close altogether. Immediately afterward, a familiar presence surrounded you. Every sound a part from the voice disappeared and all you could focus your energy on was the presence.

“Master,” you murmured once you registered the feeling around you. 

You heard a shifting sound behind you and looked over your shoulder to find him standing no more than five feet from you. The sensation was strange. You could feel his presence and see his form yet you knew he wasn’t really there. How is it that you had never experienced this connection before?

“Hux isn’t happy having you run off like this,” he said, voice as calm and gentle as ever.

You scoffed and felt your finger twitch against your thigh – a tick you had developed over the year. It always meant one thing: you were holding back. “As if he’d be able to do anything about it.” 

He gazed down at you in silence for a moment, no doubt studying your expression and searching your mind for an explanation. “You’re angry,” he noted, just able to peek over your defenses to gauge your feelings, “And…disappointed.” He tilted his head. “Why?”

You clenched your jaw. “It’s nothing,” you replied, quickly looking back out over the ocean so that he couldn’t see your expression waver.

“You’re a horrible liar.”

You ground your teeth and looked up at the sky overhead. “It’s not the worst thing about me.” Your eyes began to burn with the oncoming tears and all of a sudden you felt your defenses falter. Master Ren, as determined as ever, took advantage of the weakness and drove into you, reading every last thought and feeling he could find inside. You trembled under the investigation and knew fully well that he would get what he wanted, that he would see your ultimate flaw – you loved him.

A moment later, you let out a soft gasp as he pulled out of your mind. A single tear rolled down your cheek as you were left vulnerable at your master’s feet.

“The girl,” he murmured, “You think she is better than you. You think she is replacing you, that I have chosen her instead.”

You dipped your head in defeat and looked down at the water below you without answering. It was true. You believed she was the chosen one, the one that your master was destined to fight beside. She was strong with the Force, perhaps stronger than you ever hoped to be. How could you possibly compete?

“Not only are you a horrible liar, but you’re a fool too.”

You furrowed your brow at the comment and looked back to find him standing directly behind you. Even separated in space, you could feel his presence towering over you, feel the warmth radiating from his body when he stood so close.

“She is nothing to me. She’s a scavenger, a pawn to use to get closer to Snoke. But you…” He trailed off, gazing down at you with disarmingly soft eyes. He knelt down beside you so that you two could speak face to face. “You are _everything_ to me.”

You felt your heart still in your chest. His eyes scanned every inch of your face, almost as if memorizing each and every detail about it. “So troubled,” he whispered, “Yet so strong and beautiful…” You noticed his lip twitch into the faintest of smiles. He raised his hand up and brought it to your cheek. To your surprise, when his skin met yours, you could feel it. His warmth and his touch, despite not truly being present, could be actually be felt. “You’re perfect.”

You shivered at the contact, your eyes fluttering as you leaned into his touch. You could sense the truth in his words. He actually meant it all, actually felt so strongly for you that it made your heart skip a beat. “Master…”

He let out a soft breath. “Come back to me,” he said, a sense of yearning in his voice, “Let me show you how truly special you are to me.”

“Yes, master,” he murmured in return.

Instantaneously, he vanished and all the sounds of your surroundings came flooding back to your attention. For a moment you sat there, replaying the moment over in your mind. You had been right from the start: you were special, you were irreplaceable. And now, it seemed, the bond between you and the man you loved would be forever unbreakable.


	6. King and Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is a stubborn child in a mask with no desire to be controlled. You are a spunky princess who doesn't want to be married off. What can I say? It's a match made in heaven.

“I never agreed to this.”

“Neither did I.”

The two of you sat in awkward silence across from each other as you awaited the final negotiations between your father and Snoke’s council of officers. It seemed that, in exchange for trading rights and a peaceful inclusion into the First Order, your father had agreed to marry you off to one of the Order’s most desirable bachelor’s: the mighty Kylo Ren. You, of course, were not pleased. You were royalty, daughter of the great king and, once married to a proper suitor, soon-to-be queen of your nation. Not once, however, did you intend to be married against your will, especially to some First Order beast.

“If you touch me without permission,” you hissed, glaring at your counterpart with a blinding fury, “Hell, if you so much as look at me in a way I don’t like, I will kill you.”

Ren twitched, his fist clenching as he fought back his own rage and channeled some much needed patience. “Believe me, _girl_ , I have no intention of putting my hands on you. The second this negotiation is over, you and I will go our separate ways and never have to see each other again.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

* * *

It’s no surprise, of course, that when your father demanded the two of you spend the night together in the wedding suite at the edge of the lake, you and Ren nearly exploded. It was a request neither of you could fight, especially when the Order needed to insure your father’s satisfaction with the marriage.

“I refuse to stay here any longer,” Ren said after nearly three hours of sitting in opposite corners of the bedroom and refusing to look at one another. By that point, the tension was so heavy you were both practically suffocating.

You jumped to your feet as he made for the door. “You can’t leave!”

He stopped at the door and looked over at you, brow furrowed with a mixture of confusion and irritation. “Why not?”

You sighed. “Our culture mandates that newly wedded couples spend the entire night together. Dusk until dawn. If you leave before the sun rises, the marriage is void, and the treaty will be broken.”

Ren clenched his fist and ground his teeth together. “So, what? We spend the next seven hours staring at the walls?”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “We go to sleep.”

You traced Ren’s line of sight over to the bed. He immediately grimaced. “Well, I’m not sharing a bed with you.”

“Fine with me. I never asked you to. You can be a gentleman and sleep on the floor.”

“I’m no gentleman.”

“Really?” You replied sarcastically, “That’s hard to believe.”

The two of you glared at each other for a moment, silently attempting to will one another into giving in. To your pleasure, however, Ren didn’t last long at all.

“Fine,” he growled, “Take it.” He pushed past you, his cape ghosting against your forearm, and headed out to the balcony. You smiled and proudly marched over to lay down on the bed. The moment your head hit the pillow, you sighed. What a victory.

* * *

Still dressed in your formal wedding gear, you awoke a few hours later. You sat up and looked around the room and were surprised to find that Ren was nowhere to be seen. A panic overcame you. What if he had left? What if someone had seen him? What if this negotiation was all for nothing and the First Order destroyed your home planet out of vengeance for your neglect?

You bolted out of bed and looked in every corner until, sure enough, you found him on the balcony where you had last seen him. It appeared he had stubbornly fallen asleep on the marble ground, curled up in his cape as if it were a blanket. You were flooded with relief knowing he hadn’t run off. But you also felt something else. You felt… _sympathy_. The dumb man had all but banished himself to the balcony, almost punishing himself for something beyond his control. As much as you hated the idea of being forced to marry a man you barely knew, you certainly didn’t want it to be like this.

You looked up at the stars above and whispered a quiet prayer for forgiveness before kicking him in directly in the shin. Ren jerked awake, gazing up at you in a drowsy anger. “What the hell!”

You crossed your arms. “Get up, Ren.”

You scooted away from you in childish protest and wrapped his cape even tighter around himself. “Why don’t you just climb back in that ridiculous bed and leave me alone,” he grumbled.

“God, you’re as dumb as you are stubborn,” you scoffed before leaning over and grabbing his upper arm firmly to yank at it, “Get. UP!”

He rose to his feet and glared down at you. “There. Are you happy?”

“Overjoyed,” you replied scathingly, “Now get inside before I push you off the balcony.”

This time he didn’t argue.  With cold, narrowed eyes, he walked past you and into the bedroom. You followed him in, shutting the balcony door behind you to keep the brisk night air from seeping in.

“Get in the bed.”

Ren looked over at you as if you had just cursed him out in every language known to the galaxy. “I told you, I refuse to share a bed with you. You’re lucky I haven’t taken it upon myself to strike you down like a-”

“Oh my God, do you ever shut up?” You scoffed in disbelief, “Just be quiet and get in the damn bed so we can both sleep the rest of this stupid night away and happily go our separate ways in the morning!”

Ren clenched his jaw, eyes widening ever so slightly at your demanding tone. Then, without any further argument, he strolled over and collapsed on the bed. You took a deep breath. Finally.

You soon followed his lead and climbed into bed beside him, insuring that plenty of space was left between the two of you. The last thing either of you wanted was to communicate, let alone touch each other.

* * *

You woke the following morning to the warmth of the sunlight caressing your cheek. The familiarity of morning light on your home planet never failed to put a smile on your face. That smile, however, quickly faded when you heard a gentle moan and felt the tickle of Ren’s hot breath on the back of your neck. That’s when you noticed his arm draped over you. Your heart immediately made a break for it, leaping up into your throat and all but choking you. What in the hell? Why was Kylo Ren cuddling with you?

Another soft moan and your breath caught in your throat when his nose pressed against your skin. It was clear to you that he was fast asleep, no doubt dreaming about some former partner or dream lover. Either way, this was not what you signed up for – hell, none of this was.

You tried to slip out from his grasp only to have him groan in protest and instinctively pull you closer to him. 

Suddenly, the door burst open, startling Ren right out of his sleep. Upon noticing his contact with you, he jerked back and pulled his arm from over you just as your father entered the room.

“Oh my apologies, darling,” he said softly, “I didn’t realize the two of you were still at rest.” You clenched your jaw as he took in the sight of you and Ren together with adoration. “I just wanted to tell you the breakfast is being served in the hall. There’s even your favorite: nuna sausage.”

You forced a smile. “Sounds great. We’ll be out shortly.”

Your father bowed his head respectfully and took one last proud glance at you and your new husband before slipping out and shutting the door behind him. A moment of silence hung over the room before you struck Ren’s shoulder with the back of your hand. He flinched at the hit and gave you an offended look.

“I told you not to touch me without permission, laser brain,” you said sharply, “You’re lucky my father took it as a sign of genuine betrothal or I would have cut your hand off and fed it to the hounds.” You sighed and let your head fall back onto your pillow. You had to admit, you were glad your father saw you two like that. There would be no doubts in his mind about the arrangement.

“What if I had asked for permission?”

You furrowed your brow and looked at him in bewilderment. “I beg your pardon?”

To your surprise, his gaze was alarmingly soft. There appeared to be no anger left, only a strange sense of calm curiosity. “If I had asked for permission, what would you do?”

You propped yourself up on your elbows. “I-I don’t know. Why are you even asking me that?”

His eyes quickly scanned your face, silently reading you. “No reason,” he replied. He then stood up and adjusted his clothing. “Clean yourself up. I’m hungry.”

You stared at your counterpart, still dumbfounded by his sudden shift in attitude. “Last night you slept outside just to avoid being in the same room as me and now you want to get breakfast together?”

“It would be rude of the king to show up to his first meal without his queen,” Ren murmured, slyly throwing you a knowing glance. “Or is it a part of your culture for one to be insulting?”

You blinked. Was he cracking jokes now? 

You stood up, unable to keep an amused grin from tugging at the corner of your mouth. “No, but it is customary for the king to host a ball in the great hall in celebration of his marriage and gift his new queen with fifteen golden necklaces.”

Ren narrowed his eyes slightly. “No it isn’t.”

You smirked and took his arm, allowing him to lead you. “Try me, Ren.”


	7. Learn to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Kylo puts your young daughter to bed, you bestow upon your son some age-old wisdom about love and the Force.

“Hey mom?”

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“Do you believe in love at first sight?”

You raised your brow in curiosity at your son’s question. It was peculiar to say the least. Much like his father, he wasn’t exactly one to discuss his feelings, especially not if they pertained to romance.

“I guess I do,” you answered with a slight shrug of the shoulders. You reached out and ran your hand over his hair. “Why do you ask?” You tilted your head and flashed him a teasing smirk. “Wait. Don’t tell me.” You faked a gasp. “You’re in love with Kana aren’t you?”

His cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink and he scooted away from you. “What? N-no! She’s just a friend, mom!”

You laughed. “I’m kidding, Kal,” you said softly, affectionately tucking a strand of his long black hair behind his ear. “You know if that were the case though, you could be honest with me, right?”

He nodded. “I know. I was just wondering…” He gave you a soft smile. “What about father? Did you love him the first time you saw him?”

You couldn’t help but sigh, an amused grin tugging at your lips. “Not exactly. Your father and I were…” You trailed off for a moment as you though about how to put it. “Let’s just say we had very different views. We were pretty much polar opposites. At first we hated each other.”

Kal looked shocked. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Then what happened?” He asked, still dumbfounded by this revelation.

You stroked his cheek lovingly. “The Force brought us together.”

His brown eyes went wide. “The Force?”

“Mmhmm. Something inside us – something that’s always been there – finally awoke. Instead of us being so determined to fight one another, instead of sticking to our sides, we met in the middle. We learned to compromise and see the galaxy through each other’s eyes.” You smiled as you thought about the day you two realized your feelings for one another. “The rest is history.”

Kal was mesmerized, gazing at you with the innocent eyes of a boy still learning about the ways of the Force. You couldn’t help but adore everything about him. He was so much like his father – bright, passionate, and strong-willed.

“Love doesn’t always happen at first sight,” you added, your fingers combing through your son’s hair, “Sometimes you have to learn to love.”

* * *

After saying good night to Kal, you made your way into the nursery to find Kylo rocking Taia back and forth in his arms. Still less than a year old, you had finally learned all the tricks to get her to fall asleep. And it seemed that her father was a master at doing so.

“She asleep?” You asked as you tip-toed over to him.

He nodded. “Just about.”

You watched as he rocked Taia a couple more times before gently placing her in her crib. The two of you gazed at her for a moment before Kylo turned his attention to you. “Is Kal alright?”

“He’s fine. Just a little flustered.” You grinned. “I think he’s got a crush on that Kana girl from the academy.”

Kylo cocked his brow and hummed. “That would explain why he goes down to the wash after lessons…” He thought about it for another moment. “But _Kana_? Why her?”

You laughed and wrapped your arms around his waist. “Shut up,” you teased, “She’s smart, she’s talented, and she’s got a heart of gold. You know she’d be good for him.”

He grinned back at you playfully and ran his fingers through your hair. “I don’t know, she’s sounds an awful lot like you. And you’re _terrible_.”

He leaned in a pressed his nose to yours affectionately.

“I am pretty bad, aren’t I?”

“The worst.”

You closed your eyes and captured his lips in a slow kiss. You thought about it for a minute. You couldn’t be that bad if you were the reason Kylo Ren turned, now could you?


	8. Keep Him Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kylo returns from a mission with your son by his side, the two of you have a very important discussion about risking your child's life.

You stood front and center in the middle of the hangar with nearly four dozen troopers lined up obediently behind you. As much as you wished for this to be a private moment, you knew Hux would be furious if his soldiers fell out of line and weren’t there to welcome back the Supreme Leader.

It wasn’t long before the transport slipped through the shield and landed in front of you. The door quickly slid open and the ramped extended, allowing for the looming figure of Kylo Ren to emerge, followed closely by his son Orion. Upon spotting you across the way, Kylo inhaled deeply and guided the two of them over to you.

“You alright, sweetie?” You asked, holding your hand out towards Orion.

He rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, mom,” he groaned, putting up that classic teenage front of annoyance. But sure enough, he strolled up to you and wrapped his arms around your torso in a tight hug. Now _there_ was the boy you knew.

You smiled and ran your hand over the back of his hair affectionately. Your eyes made their way over to Kylo who was still silent. His head was lowered slightly and the second he made eye contact with you, he clenched his jaw. Surely he knew what was coming.

“You and I need to talk,” you said lowly to him before readdressing your son. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you something to eat.”

Orion smiled and nodded eagerly.

* * *

“What the hell were you thinking taking him with you?!” 

Kylo ground his teeth as he stared you down. “The mission was simple,” he said matter-of-factly, no doubt holding back his temper, “Nothing happened.”

“And what if something _had_ happened?” You countered, stepping closer to him. “He’s just a boy, Kylo! He shouldn’t be going out on missions like that!”

“He’s a boy growing into a man. He needs to know what it’s like to-”

“No! What he _needs_ is to be loved and cared for by his parents, not get thrown into a battlefield!”

Kylo’s lip twitched. You could feel his rage swelling, sense his blood boiling to a point of no return. “He will learn nothing by staying confined to a starship and he certainly won’t gain anything from having you spoil him!”

“You selfish asshole,” you growled with a slight shake of the head, “You really don’t understand, do you? This isn’t about spoil him or teaching him about the galaxy or the Force. This is about keeping our son safe, about making sure he lives to see his sixteenth birthday! I love him, Kylo! Just as I love you! So tell me, is this what you want? To have me watch both you and my son die one day?”

You felt yourself tremble, your anger fizzling out into a painful sorrow as you imagined your son’s body draped over a pile of soldiers, his hand still clutching at his father’s cape. A tear rolled down your cheek. “I can’t lose you,” he whispered.

Kylo’s rage immediately dissipated and he stepped forward to take you in his arms. “You won’t,” he murmured softly against your hair, “You’ll never lose us.”

You hugged him tightly and sniffled, leaning your head against his chest. “Promise me you’ll keep him safe…”

Kylo’s hand soothed out the back of your hair as he rest his chin on the top of your head. “I promise.”


	9. Weaknesses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kylo tells you that you aren't ready for your upcoming mission, you find yourself sunken by shame and disappointment. Little do you know, however, that there is a far more personal reason for his refusal to let you go. [WARNING: SMUT.]

A series of loud crackles echoed through the room as the two sabers struck. You were at an impasse, your weapon locked with your opponent’s. Smaller in build, you stood no chance in a physical battle which meant you needed to find a new method.

With a loud grunt, you broke free of the jam and took a quick, graceful step back before thrusting your free hand out. A massive surge of energy followed the guidance of your palm and sought to push your opponent across the room only to be met by an equally powerful force. Just as your weapons had met head to head, so to did the willpower you each possessed. You both focused hard, battling in silence to drive the other off of their feet. The Force, it seemed, was strong with both.

_You’re too weak._

Suddenly, a far too familiar feeling began to overcome you. You could feel your opponent making his way into your mind, poking and prodding your every thought and emotion.

_You’ll never find the strength to defeat me._

Your mouth twitched as you stared your opponent down and fought to force him out of your head.

_No matter how hard you try, you will always be weak like your mother._

Without warning, the energy pushing back against your opponent dissipated and you were struck by a surge that sent you flying across the room. You cried out as you struck the wall before collapsing to the floor in defeat.

You heard the hiss of your opponent disengaging his saber followed by the sound of his thick-soled boots walking across the room toward you. “You’re still holding on to the past. You must learn to let go of those you left behind, of those who made you weak or you will never be strong enough to survive.”

You groaned in discomfort and clutched at your side as you looked up to find Kylo standing directly in front of you. “Let the past die,” he added, “Kill it if you have to.”

He offered you his hand, which you immediately took and allowed him to help you to your feet. “Tell me, Master. Am I ready? For the mission, I mean.”

Kylo was silent for a moment, his dark eyes searching your own. Then, with a tone as cold as the frozen lakes on Hoth, he replied, “No.”

You felt your heart sink as you watched him turn and walk away without any further explanation. In that moment, the pain you felt in your side was nothing compared to the excruciating burn of disappointment you felt within. Even though you had truly believed that you had gotten stronger, that you were progressing even faster than you thought, you still weren’t there. You still weren’t strong enough. You had failed.

* * *

It took you hours to fall asleep that night. Despite your exhaustion, despite your body’s desire to rest and allow your body to recover from the fight, all you could think about was your failure. You replayed the moment over and over again in your head.

_“Am I ready? For the mission?”_

_“No.”_

You couldn’t recall how or when you had fallen asleep but you were startled awake by the lingering sensation of another presence in the room. Once your eyes were open, you found the reason for the feeling: Kylo Ren was standing silently in the doorway.

“Master,” you asked, “What are you doing here?”

Without answering, Kylo crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. For a moment, he simply stared at you, once again searching your face for something you didn’t understand. Then, when he seemed to have found what he was looking for, he spoke. “I lied to you,” he said quietly, “You are ready. You’ve grown far stronger than I ever hoped you could be, far more powerful than I even imagined. But, I won’t allow you to go on this mission.”

You furrowed your brow and sat up, confused and angered by his words. “Why? Master, I’ve been training for this mission for months! You said it yourself just now, I’m stronger! I’m powerful! I can do this!”

“No, you can’t,” he replied sternly, “If you go out there and find the Jedi, they will kill you.”

You swallowed. You knew this mission was dangerous, that you would be risking your life. If you did as Snoke asked and found the remaining Jedi, you would be taking on individuals just as strong as Kylo. 

“I’m not afraid of death. The only thing I fear is failing you,” you said lowly as you stared him down, “If I die on this mission, then I will be happy knowing I died fighting for you and the First Order.”

You were surprised to see Kylo’s face twitch, his eyes frantically scanning you. “You fool…You don’t understand, do you?” His gloved hand grasped at a fistful of sheets. You weren’t a hundred percent certain but it seemed to you that he was trembling. “I can’t let you go.”

You blinked, absolutely floored by the pain in his voice. You could see tears in his eyes, tears that threatened to rain down his cheek. “I need you by my side.”

Suddenly you understood. He wasn’t denying you this mission because you were weak but because he didn’t want to lose you. He was refusing to let you risk your life because he loved you.

Without explaining yourself, you slid out from under your sheets and climbed onto his lap, your knees straddling him on either side. You cupped his face in your hands and looked him in the eyes, surprised by the innocence he’d kept hidden away inside. This was a man who felt fear, a man who loved more than he could bear.

“I won’t leave you, Master,” you whispered, “I promise.” 

He let out a soft breath, something along the lines of a relieved sigh mixed with a breath of desire. His hands grasped at your hips as his eyes once again scanned your face, lingering for a long moment on your lips. You accepted this as an invitation and leaned in to kiss him, his mouth immediately welcoming you with a flash of tongue.

You remained in his lap for quite some time, passionately kissing one another as Kylo’s hands wandered over your body. They spent an interval on your hips, then on your back, then up to your head where they tangled themselves in your hair until finally settling on your rear. The initial squeeze elicited a gasp from your mouth, one that he hungrily swallowed.

Suddenly, he pulled his lips from yours and stood, lifting you up with him momentarily before turning to lay you down on the bed. You weren’t separated for long. Within seconds he was crawling over you, lips latching onto your neck and leaving small marks up and down the exposed skin. One of your hands found its way to his head where you gently dragged your fingernails over his scalp while the other clutched at the fabric on his back. Your heart was racing. You couldn’t believe this was really. It was all too wonderful: his lips on your skin, your hands in his hair, and the passion of it all was so overwhelming you could tremble.

“Tell me…Do you want me?” His right hand slid down your body until it came to a stop at the waistband of your pants.

You practically shivered. The great Kylo Ren – the man who could take whatever he wanted – was asking for consent, for _permission_.

“Yes, Master,” you whispered as he dipped his tongue into the natural indent of your collar bone, “More than anything.”

He responded to your approval with a hungry kiss, one that left you breathless. His hands, with some help from you, made quick work of your pants. Once they were off, he followed up with your shirt, hurriedly yet carefully tugging it over your head. With the nuisance layer removed, you were almost completely exposed, left in nothing but your panties. Kylo let his eyes trail down your body.

“Beautiful,” he murmured, sliding a single gloved hand over your bare stomach before cupping one of your left breast.

A soft gasp escaped your throat when he leaned in and dragged his tongue over your nipple. Then, his warm lips wrapped around it and he sucked gently, savoring the sounds his actions elicited from you. You could tell he was treasuring the foreplay, enticed by every inch of your body. He wanted prolong this moment with you and, no doubt, you were very thankful. Every second you spent with him, every touch and every kiss, was irreplaceable.

He soon pulled away and removed both of his gloves, tossing them to the floor where your clothing already lay. With his bare hands finally freed, he slipped on of them beneath your panties and traced a single finger along the length of your sex. You instinctively spread your legs wider, giving him the invitation for more. He responded in kind and gently began rubbing at your clit.

He kept his eyes on your face the entire time. He wanted to see how you reacted to every move, to see what pressure you enjoyed, to see what angle made you breathe the hardest. When he slipped two of his fingers inside you, he watched you carefully and took note of every little gasp and groan and sigh. You were like the ultimate source of knowledge and he wanted to know everything about you. His gaze made you weak and his fingers wiggled and glided so delightfully. You knew for certain right then and there that he was the best lover anyone could ask for.

“Please, Master,” you begged, looking up at him as he slowly slid his fingers in and out of you, “Let me have you…”

You could see his pupils dilate at the request. “As you wish,” he responded lowly. He captured your lips in a quick kiss before pulling his fingers from you and standing to remove his own clothes. You watched him undress, appreciating every inch of skin as it was revealed, even the scar that stretched from his chest to his brow. 

Once was completely naked, he stepped forward and eased your panties off. With both of you exposed, he took his place between your thighs and leaned over you once again. He ghosted the back of his hand over your cheek before tracing your jaw with two of his fingers. “You make me weak,” he whispered as he let his hand slide over your neck and settle on your throat, “Weaker than ever before and yet…Yet I can’t stop wanting you.”

You laid your hand over his and gave it a gently squeeze. “Then have me,” you replied, “I’m all yours, Master.”

He immediately leaned down and captured your lips with his, kissing you with such hunger and passion that nearly whined. Suddenly, you felt him press into you, drawing out a long gasp that was consumed by your partner. He grabbed both of your hands and pinned them over your head, grasping firmly at your wrists as he began to thrust into you. 

His movements were slow and careful at first but his pace quickened as the two of you grew hungrier and more and more insatiable. Soon enough, he was bucking his hips rapidly and driving deep into you. The sounds of heavy breaths and soft moans filled the room, reverberating off the sheen walls. The sight of him making love to you, the sound of his groans, the taste of his lips – it sent you careening off of a cliff and into a river of ecstasy and before you could even register it, you were tossed into the waves of your orgasm.

With your body clenching around him, it only took seconds for Kylo to follow you. With a broken groan of pleasure he came and, after riding the waves, he released your wrists and cupped your face gently in his hand. “Are you alright?”

Still gasping, you felt your mouth pull into a smile and you nodded. “I’m fine, Master.”

He let out a particularly heavy breath, one you believed to be a sigh of relief. He then gently pulled out of you and collapsed onto the bed next to you. Side by side, you looked at one another in silence for a long moment before you found his hand and intertwined your fingers with his. His eyes seemed to widen slightly at the contact but just as quickly as the surprise overcame him, it faded and was taken place by a gentle smile of content. Perhaps, you thought to yourself as you gazed at one another, this weakness of his was also his greatest strength.


	10. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know Ben is changing long before the night the temple burned but you decide to suffer in silence.

Long before that night, you felt it. Long before he turned, you knew it was coming. As you lay together in your shared hut with his arm draped over you like a sturdy blanket, you knew Ben was changing. No longer did you find yourself embraced by an immeasurable warmth. Night by night, the air around him grew colder and the darkness grew thicker just as quickly as his smile grew smaller. 

And yet you said nothing.

Even when you would climb in bed beside him after a day of intense training, you made no indication of your premonition. What could you say? What words could you possibly utter to express your fear? How could you make him cling to the light when it was clear the darkness had a hold on his heart stronger than you? 

So, you stayed quiet. You continued to support him in every exercise and whisper sweet nothings to him whenever he held you. But it was all a facade. Deep down inside you were hurting and no amount of meditation or training could keep you from thinking about the pain inside.

* * *

 

You could feel the heat of the fire on your skin, the flames reflecting in your eyes as you watched the temple collapse under their fury. Inside you were empty. The pain had become too much to bear. All of this destruction, all of the bloodshed... It was all because of _him_. You had seen this coming, had known he would be the undoing of everyone around you and yet you had stood by him and suffered in silence. You were the reason the darkness had prevailed.

“Join me.”

You turned to look at him, tears burning in your eyes to find his hand outstretched.

“Please.”

Your lip quivered as you gazed at him. A part of you yearned to reach out and accept, to put this pain behind you and accept his path as your own. But the light still clung to you. It’s hold was still so powerful, still so warm. It called you back to better times -- to the nights before Kylo Ren, to the days where Ben Solo smiled brighter than the sun -- and reminded you that no matter what happened, there would still be hope for you.

“Ben, please don’t do this...” You whispered painfully, “I can’t...”

He took a step closer to you. “I know you’re afraid and that you don’t understand, but this is the path I must follow. This is my destiny.” He swallowed. “I love you, (Y/N).”

You trembled, wishing desperately to leap into his arms and listen to him whisper words of love and comfort. But you knew that such a thing was no longer possible. Those days had been stolen, consumed by the ever-expanding darkness. The man that you once loved was gone.

You shook your head slowly. “I’m sorry,” you managed to say between heavy breaths, “But my path is not the same as yours. Mine belongs to the light.”

His face twitched. You could feel the anger boiling inside him. “Then you know what I must do.”

You inhaled sharply as a tear raced down your cheek. “Yes.”

You heard the unmistakable sound of his saber igniting, it’s radiant green light nearly welcoming in comparison to the monstrous flames behind it. You let out a soft breath and braced yourself for what was to come. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his voice trembled as he stepped closer to you.

Your lips pulled into a soft smile as you found yourself staring into the eyes of Ben Solo one last time. “Me too.”

Then, with a roar and a flash of green, everything went black.


End file.
